| Author | Message | ||
| Denis M. Garrison
Valued Member Username: denismgarrison Post Number: 202 Registered: 01-2005 |
Star-Maker’s Curse What’s fresh and fair, don’t mass produce. Just so, my child, is beauty slain. A gem made common can’t seduce. What’s fresh and fair, don’t mass produce. A wonder template is a ruse That cannot change what’s truly plain. What’s fresh and fair, don’t mass produce. Just so, my child, is beauty slain. Denis Garrison www.dmgar.com My books are available at www.lulu.com/denismgarrison | ||
| Zephyr
Intermediate Member Username: zephyr Post Number: 2727 Registered: 07-2003 |
Enjoyed this poem Denis, nice sense of rhythm and the repetition seems to work here, the title fits nicely with this too. | ||
| Christopher T George
Intermediate Member Username: chrisgeorge Post Number: 1176 Registered: 12-2004 |
Hi Denis A thoughtful poem with mesmeric power in its repeated lines. Nicely accomplished. Good work, Denis.  All my best Chris Editor, Desert Moon Review http://www.desertmoonreview.com/ http://chrisgeorge.netpublish.net/ http://www.actorssceneunseen.com/ripper.asp | ||
| Denis M. Garrison
Valued Member Username: denismgarrison Post Number: 205 Registered: 01-2005 |
Zephyr and Chris, thank you for your kind comments. I am glad this pleased. It is my first attempt at a triolet (my form of the month). These were, apparently, songs in the original French incarnation; one can see why. bw, Denis www.dmgar.com My books are available at www.lulu.com/denismgarrison | ||
| M. Kathryn Black
Advanced Member Username: kathryn Post Number: 2459 Registered: 09-2002 |
Denis, If this is your first I'm very impressed. The poem is very well-crafted and touches upon a subject that's dear to this reader's heart. Best, Kathryn | ||
| Denis M. Garrison
Valued Member Username: denismgarrison Post Number: 208 Registered: 01-2005 |
Thanks, Kathryn. I am glad it touched you. Yes, my first triolet. I have posted a second now. I see how strongly the repetition works; I am thinking I might try one in pentameter to see if it mutes it somewhat. I know tetrameter is traditional, but.... bw, Denis www.dmgar.com My books are available at www.lulu.com/denismgarrison | ||
| LJ Cohen
Moderator Username: ljc Post Number: 2368 Registered: 07-2002 |
Denis---it has a very shakesperian feel to it. I like this very much. Nicely done. ljc | ||
| Denis M. Garrison
Valued Member Username: denismgarrison Post Number: 211 Registered: 01-2005 |
Thank you, Lisa! Glad it pleases. bw, Denis www.dmgar.com My books are available at www.lulu.com/denismgarrison | ||
| M
Moderator Username: mjm Post Number: 3100 Registered: 11-1998 |
Yes, like Lisa, I felt this had an old world feel to it, Denis. The meter, the rhyme, the repetition -- all work well with the subject matter. I was amazed that this was your first attempt at a triolet. It is most accomplished for a first try. Good going! | ||
| Denis M. Garrison
Valued Member Username: denismgarrison Post Number: 215 Registered: 01-2005 |
M, Thank you! You are too kind. bw, Denis www.dmgar.com My books are available at www.lulu.com/denismgarrison | ||
| Laurie Byro
Valued Member Username: lauriette Post Number: 1000 Registered: 11-2003 |
very good, glad to have read thanks laurie | ||
| Denis M. Garrison
Valued Member Username: denismgarrison Post Number: 248 Registered: 01-2005 |
Thanks, Laurie. So glad you like it. bw, Denis www.dmgar.com My books are available at www.lulu.com/denismgarrison |
